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I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.