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I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?