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Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.