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At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss