Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.