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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.