Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
10 years from now: “Dad, how did you meet mom? Well, your mom had the hottest profile pic…so I had to friend request that.”
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.