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If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the back
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."