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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.