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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.