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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.