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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?