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Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.