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Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"