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Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."