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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!