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Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.