Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
Walmart needs observation decks.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.
drinks well with others.