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Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
They should make Vodka ChapStick
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"