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First fart at my new job.
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.