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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.