Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.