Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.