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If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
What if animals all speak a universal language, and we’re the odd ones out???
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
Survival rule #1: Don`t go first.
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.