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And then her mood ring just...exploded
Insert coin to view my status message.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.