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Wine: How classy people get trashed.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!