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When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.