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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.