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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
?-- that guy is cute ?
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops