Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
I won the Twister contest hands-down.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.