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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?