Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
I won the Twister contest hands-down.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.