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The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.