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in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
I’m late for a disappointment.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.