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When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.