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I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
In space they just call it "Jam"
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.