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"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with