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The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
There was a spider in my bathtub so I got a tissue and very carefully burned the house down.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.