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Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.