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My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?