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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
It seems like the ‘L’ in my luck has been replaced with an ‘F’.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour