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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is a command.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.