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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.