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My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Survival rule #1: Don`t go first.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.