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I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
I`m tired of things costing money
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.