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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.
Match dot com, but for socks.
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.