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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
It`s not stalking if you love them!