Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.