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Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.