Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
AWESOME!
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.