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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working!
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
hilarious
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.