Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.