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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
"May the 4th" be with you!
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.