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Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha Iām so sorry. No Iām not.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I`m murdered because I don`t want him to remarry
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.