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Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.