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If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
Iād be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Iām moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.