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When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.