Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup, mustard, BBQ & soy sauce.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.