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Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.