Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.