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I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?