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How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.