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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
People will do odd things to get even.
I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.